So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
