i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
