you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
