You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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