Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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