You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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