I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
