the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
