Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
