wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
