just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
