the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize