We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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