i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
