Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Randomize
