I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
