i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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