Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
thus making me awesome and them whores
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
