Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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