I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
