yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
