i wish my penis had a tongue
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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