when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
then he tried to convert me to islam
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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