We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
