Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
