I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
