Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
