Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
