Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
