I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
