The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
