We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
