i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
