Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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