I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize