i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
