farters have to be the big spoon...
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I deserve this hangover.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
