The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Randomize
