are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
