how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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