Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize