we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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