I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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