she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
she peed on how many people?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
