Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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