Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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