If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
