Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
i will never coherently bang her
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I am available for nakedness
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
