Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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