Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
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