@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I did not marry a roomba.
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