new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
