you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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