You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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