Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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