Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
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