Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
