I wannas sexs uuuuu
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
