he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
