hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
