Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Randomize
