when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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