hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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