Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
