Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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