Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
