you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
