I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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