Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
It's never too late to be topless.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
