He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
And then the night went full on bisexual.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
