he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
