i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
